How to survive a zombie apocalypse in university

Yes, you read it right. It’s a zombie apocalypse survival guide. Don’t turn over the page yet, you must read this. This is serious, as serious as Rahul Gandhi becoming India’s Prime Minister. In fact, even more serious. A zombie apocalypse is not an improbable situation, it can happen. You all know about human interference with Nature which has led to the evolution of mircobes that can potentially exterminate the human species, even worse, which can alter human DNA. So, you have heard of suprebugs, too? There’s no protection from them. What if one day a super-bug alters your DNA and as a result, a whole new terrifying species of human beings come to dominate the world? Do you know that already there are a variety of organisms that practice mind-control on their hosts for reproduction and propagation. Search for Cordyceps Unilateralis, T. gondii or Rabies and you would know that mind-control actually exist.
So as you continue reading this article while sitting snugly at your favourite spot in the mess, sipping your coffee, you suddenly hear screams in the distance. Somewhere, from outside of the mess. From the glass pane of the cafeteria, you see people running around in fear, bags scattered on the ground, coffee spilled onto the earth, a crushed spectacle frame, cracked mobile phones. And then, you see a ghastly sight of some people walking awkwardly; their necks and bodies twisted, green fluid dripping from their mouths, their eyes are just white with no pupil! That very instant you know your worst nightmare has come true. The university has become the epicentre of a major zombie apocalypse! What are you going to do now? Where can you go? Do you realise you are in the midst of a zombie attack and miles away from the protection of your parents? You have to save your life and the lives of your fellow students, but how?
Don’t worry, now that this article has gripped you totally, and your coffee is getting cold, here’s the first thing to remember: Do not lose your mind like everyone else and start running around aimlessly for shelter. Instead, run to the nearest fire alarm and punch it. The harsh siren of the fire alarm would confuse the already dim-witted half-dead zombies. And while you are near the fire alarm, grab the axe or the hammer you get in the fire alarm box. This is your first weapon and your ultimate companion for survival. With the axe in your hand you feel more confident and here’s your next mission:

Build a zombie survival kit
In an apocalypse, you don’t want to find yourself stuck in a tight spot without essentials at hand. So, run to the tuck shop with your bag, wait what! you don’t have a bag? Just take out your T-shirt, tie the ends of the collar to the sleeves, and hurry, the zombies are catching up. Okay, now that you have a makeshift bag, run to the tuck shop, grab some snickers and canned food, and yes, tetra-packed fluids as well. Anything that is not perishable. Here is a simple checklist for you:

  • Water
  • Food
  • Soaps, sanitizers, towels
  • Batteries, knives, scissors, pens, paper, extra bags, matches and lighters
    And now run to the wellness centre and grab as many medicines as you can. Fast, you don’t have time to check the labels here. Make sure you stock as much as you can.
Congrats! Now you have built your own apocalypse survival kit.

Now that you have all the basic things you need for survival, the next thing you need to do is search for survivors. Yes, you would need them, surviving an apocalypse alone can be tiring, physically as well as mentally. So just regroup with people you see around, you don’t need a whole squad, just two people are enough. Help him/her build her own survival kit.

Run for the nearest exit
You can’t and must not stay stuck in the hostel rooms or any other place that has only one exit. Else you are sure to die. Its better to run away from the epicentre first. Grab your friends and run for the nearest exit, if possible, find a vehicle. If you don’t know how to hotwire a vehicle, here’s how to do it-

Devise a plan
Now that you have run away from the epicentre of the apocalypse, find a quiet place. Somewhere away from the people. Now is the time to devise a plan.

  • Try to call the emergency services, you need to know what’s happening first.
  • Create a map. Open you Google maps and trace a basic map on a paper and locate the closest hospital, gas station, grocery store, bank, and other buildings of importance. Call your parents and emergency contacts and warn them of the upcoming situation. Your phone battery can die anytime, so make sure to jot down your emergency contacts and maps on a paper.
  • Now, before it gets too late, get into your vehicle, or trek as far as you can from the epicentre.
Now that you are all set to face the challenges of a zombie apocalypse, all you need to keep in mind now is that you want to survive. And don’t worry, there will be many survivors. Human race can not be destroyed this easily by these obnoxious looking zombies. They will be contained within a day or two just near the epicentre if authorities act fast. Just search for the nearest shelter. All the best humans!

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